Looking after a child or young person experiencing burnout can take a significant toll. This isn’t typical parenting stress – it’s a challenge on a whole new level. You may be navigating unpredictable days, reduced support, and a child whose needs are often immediate and all-consuming.
Constant emotional and practical demands can build up over time, quietly pushing you toward burnout, too.
If you’re finding this hard, that makes sense.
It’s completely natural to experience a wide range of emotions during this time. You might feel frustration, sadness, guilt, or even resentment at times. You’re not alone in these feelings, and having them doesn’t mean you’re failing your child. It simply means you’re human.
This is especially true if you are your child’s “safe person” – the one they rely on for comfort, co-regulation, and emotional release. The demands on you can feel relentless. You may long for a break, but even a few minutes to yourself can feel out of reach.
Some days, simply getting through is enough.
But the truth is, running on empty doesn’t help your child. It makes an already difficult situation harder for both of you. Looking after yourself isn’t stepping away from your child. It’s part of how you support them.
The phrase “put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others” is often quoted in psychology and parenting to remind caregivers to attend to their own mental and physical health.
Anonymous
What even is “self-care”?
Self-care is often presented as something big or indulgent, like long baths or time away. But when you’re supporting a child in burnout, it needs to be realistic and flexible.
Self-care isn’t about escaping your responsibilities. It’s about supporting yourself within them.
At its core, self-care means making small, intentional choices that protect your energy, support your health, and help you keep going.
It also includes reducing what’s draining you, not just adding more things to do.
Self-care is something that nurtures you right now, and promotes your health in the future, nourishing your ‘future self’.
Suzy Reading, Self-Care for Tough Times
What self-care is not
- Forcing yourself to push through exhaustion
- Adding more pressure to “do things right”
- Fixing everything all at once
- Following advice that doesn’t work for your situation
There’s no perfect way to do this, and no one gets it right all the time.
What self-care can look like in real life
We’ve been there, on the edge of exhaustion, wondering how you’re supposed to take care of yourself when everything already feels like too much. The aim is to find small things that feel doable and that you enjoy, not to do everything.
Finding a few minutes to allow your body and mind to switch off, even for a short time, can make a big difference. You might:
- Listen to your favourite song
- Close your eyes and imagine your favourite place in the world
- Take a minute to breathe slowly and release tension in your jaw, neck and shoulders
- Read a few pages of a book, perhaps Self-care for Tough Times by Suzy Reading
- Start a puzzle (you don’t have to finish it)
These moments count.
Resting, sitting quietly, or doing something that looks like “nothing” is still valid self-care. Your nervous system benefits from pauses, even when nothing is being achieved.
When you’re caring for a struggling child, your own basics can slip. Eating regularly, staying hydrated, resting when you can, and getting even light movement all help stabilise your stress levels. You could try things like:
- Drinking a glass of water
- Eating a piece of fruit or a handful of nuts
- Doing 5 minutes of chair yoga
- Dancing to your favourite song
- Trying a 7-minute workout (check out Lucy Wyndham-Read on YouTube)
Self-care isn’t only about adding helpful activities – it’s also about reducing what is draining you. You might:
- Pause non-essential commitments
- Let go of standards that aren’t serving you right now
- Accept that “good enough” really is enough
- Simplify routines where you can
When you’re supporting a child or young person in burnout, conserving energy is just as important as restoring it.
You don’t have to carry everything alone.
This might mean delaying non-urgent tasks, asking for help, or saying no. Family, friends and colleagues will often step up or step back if you ask.
If it feels difficult to say no or ask for support, having a few simple phrases ready can help:
- “I can’t take this on right now.”
- “Can this wait until next week?”
- “I need some support with this.”
- “I have too much on my plate at the moment.”
- “Right now, I need to focus on my child and myself.”
Using clear, concrete language can make it easier to communicate your needs without over-explaining.
You might also notice that some of the things you’re doing come from habit or expectation, rather than necessity. Letting go of some of these “rules” can create a little more space and energy where you need it most.
Supporting your young person during burnout can be lonely and isolating. It can be hard to leave the house, and friends and family may not understand your difficulties. Seeking out other people who understand your situation can really help.
You might look up local parent-carer support groups or SEND charities and find out where and when they meet. They may also have online meet-ups or a messaging group where you can chat. A quick web search for “parent carer support group near me” will likely offer some options.
There are also professionals you can talk to who possess deep knowledge and experience of burnout in children and young people, and who offer groups for parents supporting their youngsters.
You’re allowed to feel tired, frustrated, and overstretched. You may also be carrying a sense of loss for how things used to be, or how you hoped they would be. Making space for those feelings is part of caring for yourself, too.
What if my child is always nearby?
Sometimes, self-care needs to be even quicker and simpler. Micro self-care actions – things that take less than a minute or can be done with your child nearby – help make caring for yourself more accessible when you’re overwhelmed. This could mean taking two deep breaths, briefly stretching your arms overhead, noticing a pleasant sound, or running your hands under warm water for a few seconds.
Even these tiny moments count.
A note on energy and capacity
Some days, even small acts of self-care won’t feel possible.
That doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It reflects how much you’re carrying.
Self-care in this context isn’t about building perfect routines or constant progress. It’s about taking opportunities when they are available, and recognising that your capacity will vary.
Just recognising that self-care is an important part of your life is a big step forward.
Mindfulness and meditation: noticing what your body needs
When you are under constant stress, it’s easy to become disconnected from your own body. You might push through hunger, ignore tension, or only notice how tired you are when you reach exhaustion.
This links closely to interoception – your ability to notice and understand internal body signals, such as hunger, thirst, tension, or stress. During prolonged stress, this awareness can become less reliable, which makes it harder to recognise what you need in time.
Mindfulness can gently support you to reconnect with these signals.
This doesn’t have to be formal or time-consuming. It can be as simple as pausing and noticing:
- Is my body tense or relaxed?
- Do I need food, water, or rest?
- Am I feeling overwhelmed, or relatively calm right now?
This kind of awareness helps you respond to your needs sooner, rather than only noticing when things become too much.
You might try:
- Taking a few slow breaths and noticing how your body feels
- Checking in with your shoulders, jaw, or hands for tension
- Briefly pausing between tasks
- Trying a short guided meditation
Even very short moments can help regulate your nervous system and support your wellbeing over time.
If mindfulness doesn’t feel helpful, that’s OK too. There are many ways to care for yourself, and this is just one option.
Tools to support self-care
Some people find apps helpful for gentle reminders or structure. If and when you have the capacity, you could try them to see if they will work for you.
This “self-care pet” app gives you suggestions for self-care actions to take, and friendly reminders to take them, all in the name of looking after a cute little creature. You can also add all your chores, meetings, and any reports you need to write/review. There’s a lot of satisfaction to be found in ticking them off and watching your pet thrive.
This app aims to improve your mental wellness and sleep through guided meditations, “Sleep Stories”, breathing programs, and relaxing music. You can experiment with binaural beats and EMDR soundtracks.
This self-discovery and mental well-being app is designed to help you track your moods, identify emotional triggers, and build positive habits through personalised, evidence-based lessons. You may find many of the lessons helpful for understanding your young person and yourself.
This app is designed to improve mental health through science-based guided meditation, mindfulness, and sleep tools.
These are optional supports, not expectations.
Ideas for when you have more capacity
When you have a little more energy, you might find it helpful to explore learning new skills or concepts. Self-development can be an excellent form of self-care, but only when you have the time and energy.
You could focus on fun and relaxation, perhaps by exploring a new hobby or craft. Here are some ideas we’ve tried:
- Crochet (Bella Coco’s YouTube series for absolute beginners is highly regarded)
- Family history and genealogy
- Clay modelling
- Adult colouring books
- Scrapbooking
- Drawing and painting
- Embroidery
Alternatively, dedicating some time to more formal learning can be extremely empowering. Learning a little about psychology, child development, or the human body can unlock new levels of understanding that help you support yourself or your young person.
For instance:
- Learning about Polyvagal Theory helps you understand how safety and co-regulation are central to human wellness by explaining the psychological and physiological states that lie beneath our daily behaviour. You can learn simple methods and exercises that help release tension and soothe your nervous system.
- Exploring Self-Determination Theory (SDT) gives you a framework for understanding motivation and the basic psychological needs that support sustained wellbeing. It can help you focus your efforts on the areas that will make the biggest difference.
- Studying human nutrition empowers you to make more informed choices and understand the power and pitfalls of vitamin and mineral supplements.
Final thoughts
You’re a central part of your child’s sense of safety, but you’re also a human being with limits. Looking after yourself isn’t separate from supporting your child. It’s part of it.
Even small moments of care, rest, or reduced pressure can make a difference over time.
Sometimes, just getting through the day is enough.
If self-care feels impossible, or if distress, hopelessness, or exhaustion continue even after trying some of these strategies, it may be time to seek professional help. Reaching out to a GP, mental health professional, or support service for yourself is never a sign of failure – it’s an important way of looking after you and your family.
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Autistic Burnout - Family Stories 
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